Chris Cornell, Depression and the Church

Last night Chris Cornell took his own life. This has troubled me so much. Well, I am still trying to wrap my head around it. He was my Bowie and my Prince. His death was a huge shock to me. Much like the day we found out that Robin Williams also took his own life. We say things like, “why would someone like that kill themselves?”

Depression.

Depression is much like what Chris wrote, “mind riot.” A violent disturbance of peace within. You can’t predict it and rarely can you control it. It is also something that isn’t well educated to the masses. Though, it is better today, but still not great. I believe it is difficult to educate people about depression because how complex depression is. It isn’t like an illness you get where your symptoms are obvious. There are different degrees of depression and each person deals with depression differently. And for many cases the one who struggles with depression has also mastered hiding their depression. This is why we are so surprised when our loved ones or our personal heroes takes their own life. We either never saw it because it was well hidden or we were too oblivious to their struggles. And when I say that I mean we look at their struggles as if they are minor.

Today has been a rough day for me because of this. Though, it isn’t one of those days that I call, “one of my bad days.” It has just been more of a wake-up call. A day of reflection of not only my own life but of others who struggle with depression. The main question running through my mind is, “Will it ever get that bad for me?” I can say, “No. It will never get to that point.” But then I look back at Chris Cornell and even Robin Williams and ask the same questions we always ask, “What made them get to that point?” Was it something that happened that was the breaking point or was it years of a violent disturbance of peace within? Like Chris wrote, “I’m tired within. I’m luck’s last match struck in the pouring down wind.”

And this is where I take a look at the church. The church is the one place that should understand the depravity of man. But yet, depression is treated as if it were a sin that needs to be purged or hidden. We try to fix the person by polishing them up but in doing so we have either turned them into whitewashed tombs or set them up for an even greater failure. We’ve believed the lie that you must be happy and because of that we hide the depression. It becomes a heavy burden. Which is why Chris wrote, “I’m tired within.” What the church doesn't understand is that you can have joy and hope and still be full of sorrow. When you understand your total depravity you can then understand how one could despise themselves but yet have hope that “those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” (Romans 8:30) The church is making us tired within. That’s why Jesus calls for those “who labor and are heavy laden and (he) will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)